curious george

It's back.

That ugly feeling that sneaks its way into my life time and time again. Just when I think everything's copacetic (how can you not like that word?), I'm distracted by the reminder that, sometimes, my life is lonely.

Usually, I'm OK. Most days, I'm completely cool with my own company, or with the comfort that my close friends and family provide. But I think what did it - besides the couple-centred/family-focused holidays - was Up in the Air.

See, I'm not afraid to do things on my own. I've embraced it and enjoy doing all the things I love to do, regardless if there's someone else out there who wants the same thing at the exact same time. So, after my yoga class, I took myself to the movies.

Only the problem was, I watched Up in the Air... and it's definitely not best viewed alone. It will make you second-guess and reassess all of your relationships and where your life is heading and whether or not you are as fulfilled as you'd like to think... and as I type this, I'm realizing this could be a good thing. Cheers to looking on the brightside.

xo,

lori

can'twait

via stereogum:

THE NATIONAL
TBA (4AD)
Matt Berninger kept it quieter on Boxer than he did on Alligator (i.e. no shout songs like "Mr. November"), but the band deepened their instrumentation, wrote some of their most subtly addictive songs, and had their biggest year to date (both in the National and in ambitious side projects like The Long Count). Curious what kind of mood they're in now? Matt tells us: "We started out trying to make a fun pop record. I had the word HAPPINESS taped to my wall. We veered off that course immediately. We've narrowed it down to about 15 songs now and it's going to be our best record (one song you can dance to) but it can't be described as happy." They've been recording for almost a year and as Aaron Dessner put it to us "[are] emerging from that black hole to start mixing in two weeks." Bryce adds, "There are a ton of songs and we have been working for a year, but as always with us it's the last couple months that change everything so it's too early to say what the overall direction [will be]."

who takes care of you when you're sick?

I just saw a commercial for cold medicine. First, there was a kid in bed. Enter cold medicine. The kid is in a ballerina costume, twirling around in her room!

Miracles! Can! Happen!

I have been sick for the last two days. Totally weak. Lack of appetite. Zero energy to do all the things I need & want to do. Will this feeling go away? Please and thank you?

xo,
lori

P.S. It's funny that this happened after watching Kissing Jessica Stein (love that movie). One of the characters has a man for every occasion... except when she's sick. : /

P.P.S. The lead from KJS, Jennifer Westfeldt, has been with Jon Hamm (a.k.a Don Draper) for the last 10 years.

I won the math award in Grade 8

Now I drop hundreds on holiday dresses & coats.

And walk home to skip the $2.75 subway fare.

seeing ghosts

I was away for awhile and now I'm back with new feelings, experiences, emotions... and clothes. I accidentally spent more money than I make, which means I'm also back with that guilty feeling.

Watched Adaptation last night in an attempt to extend my vacation in Fort Lauderdale. Toured the Everglades. Learned about the rare and highly coveted Ghost Orchid. Received a special bracelet with the best alligator tooh because I can, at times, be "just adorable."

Anyways, that's not the quote I wanted to write about. Instead, I'm keeping track of the most memorable lines from my second viewing of this awesome film.

1. "When you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way."

2. "I want to know what it feels like to care about something so passionately."

3. "... the reason it matters is that it whittles the world down to a more manageable size."

4. "... it's a little fantastic and fleeting and out of reach."

And, perhaps the most important life lesson:

5. "You are what you love. Not what loves you."

xo

lori

the big reveal

Today hurts. My head feels like it got hit by a truck and now my stomach hurts from eating two too many crepes. My hungover self couldn't decide between sweet and savoury, so went with both. I actually can't believe I left the house today; now all I can think about is crawling back into my oh-so comfortable bed with books and movies.

Last night I wore a pretty black dress. I also wore crystal earrings and a diamond ring. I had a rose pinned to my dress. My hair was loosely curled (and even looser now). And I had more roses. And I had overnight cards. And I carried three framed 8x10 photos of Reid, Kiptyn and Ed.

And now it's time to go lie down.

xo
lori

wicked weather

The wind is blowing so strongly, and the poor trees outside my balcony keep doing a dance that lacks a certain rhythm. Halloween always seems to be the coldest of days, and leads to all these cutely dressed kids (and adults) piling on off-costume-brand coats, scarves & mitts over their creative outfits.

Last year, I dressed as Sarah Palin. But since it was the most popular costume of the year, I had to do things a little bit differently. My suit carried price tags from Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus; I carried a shotgun & an injured stuffed-bear hand puppet. I also wore a sash to give a shout-out to her former beauty queen days, which said "Miss Guided." I passed out business cards, too, that were designed by my neighbour using a perfect red, white & blue colour scheme. My title was "Sarah Palin: hockey mom, maverick and VP hopeful." They had varying pickup lines like "Is that a rifle or are you happy to see me?" and "You can see Russia from my bedroom." They were a hit.

To top things off, my neighbour - who I can see from my balcony - dressed as Russia. Yes, the country. It was pretty awesome.

This year's costume also involves props, but it's probably going to be a little less obvious than last year's look. I'll post the details soon.

xo
lori

1, 2, 3, 4...

Tell me that you love me more.

This week involved four run-ins with current, former, near & never-to-be loves. It was a strange week and maybe the reason why I buried myself in blankets, pored over pseudo-chick-lit, and drowned my liver with just enough wine.

Two of my favourite stories go a little bit like this:

1. After three dates, boy calls to ask us "where this is going." My inability to meet up with him the weekend prior sent him online to seek ladies. He didn't know what to do about the fact that he was interested in meeting girls online, but also interested in hanging out with me. The fact that he made a date on the SAME NIGHT that he scheduled date number four with me made it easy to decide that this dude and I were done. 0 : )

2. Met a boy at a friend's event. Didn't really pay attention, but a friend of mine said "he's so nice, he's so sweet, and he was so interested." And the friend who hosted the event said, "he was asking about you." He then follows me on Twitter (oh, Twitter). Anyways, after lame dude was done (see story #1), I thought I'd throw this one a bone (why not, right?). He sent me long emails about his day, asked me lots of questions, wanted to meet for lunch and for wine tastings. Told me all about his cute dog (even sends a photo). Well, I couldn't make it to lunch, and it was for the best. Because after briefly speaking with another friend, she informs me that he's -- wait for this -- not dating girls online... but he's married. So he tells me about his dog, but not his wife? Gah, jeez.

Life is funny, right?

xo

lori

chicklets

Remember those? They were one of my favourite things to collect in my trick-or-treat bag.

These days, I'm more focused on reading books by female authors (NOT THE SAME AS CHICK LIT). OK, woah, got that?

Except I don't want to tell you the titles of said books because they sound exactly like what I said they're not. I've read two in the past four days, but think that it's doing them an injustice to lump them into that category. I learned a little bit from them, I felt good reading them, and I think that they show that the world is not so picture-perfect, neat & tidy, oh-so sweet all the time.

Today I couldn't wait until lunch so that I could read another chapter. And I couldn't wait to get home so I could read some more. My dad once told me he used to read all the time. And then he realized that he became so consumed by the stories that he couldn't do anything else. And so he just had to quit.

I think I got my father's self-restraint.

two thoughts on tuesday

Well, I had more than two thoughts today, but I’m only going to record two on the Internet:

1) When you stop and think about it, there’s something, sometimes, a bit sad about returning home to an empty apartment. Usually I turn my music on before I even notice the absolute silence, but today I thought I’d unpack my groceries and work on dinner first. And did you know there’s nothing sadder than unpacking groceries for one in silence? No one to listen to the random and cute and sometimes awkward stories from the day? This is when I miss my old roommates and floormates and family most.

2) But when the music’s on, everything seems to be OK. I think that I’ve come home and turned on The National every night since Sunday because I want to hear a man’s voice. Really, there’s something comforting about his deep vocals and haunting lyrics and really all that’s left to do is light a musky candle and I’ll be in heaven.

Oh, maybe a real-life man would also do the trick. But sometimes imagining one is easier on the heart.

xo

lori

we'll stay inside 'til somebody finds us. <3

Tonight was just for me. And it was perfect.

cute art for cold days

Hugs are best when they're warm, and you hold on tight and you feel safer than you thought possible.

Also of interest:

I made you a cookie but I eated it.

Aww... the sky is crying.

When I put my lips like this...

I feel exhausted.

They say everything happens in threes, right? Good and bad.

GOOD: Started the day with cupcakes, Smarties and a double Americano.
NOT SO GOOD: Hit the great crash of '09 around 4 o'clock.

GOOD: Had a lovely dinner with two good friends (cooked by yours truly!).
NOT SO GOOD: This happened after we drove 30 minutes to a Pilates class... to realize the instructor was not there.

GOOD: Getting back into the dating game, trying to make sense of it all again.
NOT SO GOOD: Had an awkward conversation, and this dude is cancelled.

you're pretty

Woah! Check out that tomato tower. And you know what? It's nothing compared to the tomato fest happening in my freezer right now. I started making sauce at 10:30 p.m. tonight (hello, crazy girl). It's actually the first time I've mass-produced this stuff (I think I'm at eight tupperwares), so we'll see how it goes. My, how domestic I've become.

What else is up? Spinning is still awesome, but I read this Twitter article about how you shouldn't tweet about working out because it's lame and it's just your way of saying "look e'rbody! I'm so healthy and awesome!" So maybe I shouldn't blog about it? But really, I'm typing it because I can't believe this life transformation. That I LIKE working out. That if feels GOOD. This is all new and incredible information I'm trying to process. And you know what? When I spend two nights eating pizza and drinking beer, it feels GROSS (OK, so maybe this is a less great side effect, but still...).

But... I am skipping volleyball tonight in favour of free tickets to see Metric, so, I'm not all work-out and no play. And I'm looking forward to going to my favourite bar to celebrate a friend's birthday on Friday (wee!), and I might just have a date lined up for Saturday. SO, lots is going on and I should probably get some sleep.

xo
lori

wild thing, I think I <3 you

Last night, we were kids.

We had a pizza party, complete with costumes (3 animal-print accessories, 2 cuddly chapeaus... and 1 gold crown).

Then we watched Where the Wild Things Are in the I(Max!) Theatre. Some of us snuck in special treats, some of us picked up $6 popcorn, but all of us thought the movie was pretty darn cute. My right side found it more emotional than the left, because that's where a single tear fell (just the one, I swear!).

And I didn't read the book until last week. ; )

it's a new day, michael buble

Awesome: Googling rando photos on the Interwebs.

Oh, also this blog: http://www.1000awesomethings.com/

xo!

lori

she'll be all kinds of hungover

This picture is very pretty and sunshiny and cute and mysterious. Just like me, right? 0 : )

This music sounds much the same way. Maybe with a few sad undertones. Maybe with a very sad band name.

I think I'm going to have an emo hangover tomorrow. Gross, right?

call waiting

OK. Obviously my phone doesn't look like this. But it's kind of similar. See, it's not being used. It's not ringing and it's not receiving text messages either (OK, to be fair, this one can't). But. My. Phone. Is. Not. Ringing.

Well, that's not entirely true. My friends are calling. My family's calling, too. But I'm taking them for granted right now and focusing on the one person who is not picking up his/her phone. (OK, who are we kidding? It's a "he", obvy.)

So now I'm a little bit distracted (boys can compartmentalize; girls, not so much), a little bit frustrated (at myself for being distracted) and a little bit hopeful (in that cautiously-optimistic, bracing-myself-for-a-potential-letdown kind of way, right?).

past & present

I should be getting ready for bed. I'd already be IN bed if my bedroom was like this one. I don't think I'd ever want to leave. Well, so long as I had some good books and morning coffee and fine company.

I am thinking about taking piano lessons (again). Good idea? I wonder if I am entering some sort of strange late-twentysomething life review where I return to my roots and remember and revisit all the things I used to really enjoy. Like pretending to be an athlete. And reading millions of books. And playing piano.

xo
lori

p.s. waiting on more updates before posting last post's part 2. : )

"flirtexting"

Yes, that's a real term.

I actually own a book about it.

Wait, let's start from the beginning...

***

One day, I turned 27. I celebrated my birthday in a beautiful, breezy park, and my friends compiled a gift basket filled with funny, random treats... including a little pink book called "flirtexting: how to text your way to his heart."

I laughed. My friend read aloud from it, and we all laughed. Oh, what joy it brought to that perfect summer day.

And THEN. And then.

One day I found myself in a predicament. Was I beginning to like a boy? Was he sending me - gasp! - flirtexts? Did I know what to say? Did I consult the book?

...to be continued...

Play!

I went to my spin class after work. It was awesome - again - because I'm reminded of the fact that I have all of these muscles working working working away, and so much more energy than I ever had before. Being a little bit athletic is my favourite part about 2009.

Then afterwards I met Moby. We had backstage passes (oooo), and the drummer showed me a magic trick (really), and gave me an autographed drum stick. Moby asked me what I did for a living, and then I asked him the same question. It was kind of funny. He also told us about the funniest and most inappropriate times he's been asked for an autograph, and did say that he's never watched How I Met Your Mother (for shame).

Anyways, despite Mother Nature's temper tantrum today, I ended up having a lovely evening.

xo

lori

p.s. this is the lyric in my head today (and no, it's not Moby's): "Only you can make you happy."

"single-tasking"

You put a big bird in a small cage it'll sing you a song.

So, Patrick and I found a little time to hang out tonight (is it considered multitasking if I'm also soaking in a bubble bath?). Anyways, his music is so pretty just as I expected. The only thing that could have made my bath more relaxing would have been a glass of wine... and some wee----!! (I mean, joy, of course. Simple little joys.)

One thing at a time...

How often do you let yourself focus on one thing? Not multi-task between work, email and Twitter. Not watch TV will Gchatting with friends. Not cook while talking on the phone. Not blog while listening to music. Not read while thinking about... anything else.

I'm listening to Patrick Watson right now, and what I really want to do is just... listen. It's pretty and perfect, and I would appeciate it even more if I gave it my full attention.

But at the same time, I do need to floss, brush my teeth & complete all those other pre-bed activities.

Maybe another time, Patrick.

xo - lori

haircuts make me emotional.

Control Yourself

You know what's kind of fun? Being in control. OK, maybe you're not supposed to say that out loud (or type it out loud? for all to read?). But there is something to be said about being able to create certain outcomes and leave people waiting and, well, maybe that's all I'm thinking about right now. I only say this because for the first time, I was doing SO WELL. And then, um, I had a little bit of wine. 0 : )

Edit @ 11:36 p.m.: OK, maybe I didn't lose it after all. But I should probably still watch my alcohol. At least on Tuesdays. : )

And maybe my (over)use of emoticons, too.

A Pre-Fall Pause

I like the way Fall is shaping up. I've found ways to be social and active, which doesn't seem to happen all the time. It seems that catch-ups are usually centred around food and/or drink, which is great, but perhaps not so good for my figure and health and pocketbook.

The last six months have involved three flights and one pricey but memorable celebration, and I think it's time to spend some quality time here. Sort things out. Sit and think and consider my next plan of action. It could be really great. If I give it a chance.

xo
lori

p.s. This has pulled me through today.

It seems sad when I type it out

Dishes in the sink. Clothes on the bed. Lethargy all around.

Three days off my routine and I feel worse than ever. Well, maybe not worse. Just disconnected. All I want to do is sit down, sip wine and listen to Yann Tiersen.

But now's not really the time.

Death by Chocolate

Did I tell you about the time I threw away chocolate cookies, only to later find mini chocolate chips in the freezer? They taste really good, and I think they may have led to the recent downfall of my four-week watch-what-you-eat-and-work-out-too-!!! campaign. Well, I'm still doing OK. (See, I'm not that hard on myself.)

So, my sister is getting married in six days, which means this is a short week! Do you think I can get done five days' work in two? Hmm. Will the chocolate hinder or help? ; )

If I'm feeling this nervous, I wonder what it would feel like to actually be getting married...

On and Off

I just ate about five chocolate cookies that were once hidden in my fridge. Hidden until I remembered I had them, and then proceeded to, um, devour them.

I've been on a bit of a health & lifestyle kick lately, and it's been really great because I've FELT really great. Really. But I started to lose focus the last couple of days and even indulged in more mindless TV watching with the neighbour. I've already watched Mad Men, so why did I have to cap off dinner with two old episodes? Silly girl.

Anyways, I've been busily working away for work when I should really be sleeping and/or cleaning my place for tomorrow night's guests (I wish I could do both at once). I told them I'd cook dinner after our Pilates class, and there's no time between work and home to prep!

Why am I still typing? Seven a.m. yoga starts at, yes, 7am. Gross.

fit to a tee

Sometimes you can buy a new shirt and think it's going to be your most favourite shirt ever. And then what actually happens is that you take it home and realize that it doesn't look quite right with everything else you own. Or it doesn't fit quite right. Or you think it's OK at first, but half-way through the day all you want to do is go home and change.

And maybe the shirt you buy on a whim is the one that becomes your absolute favourite. You wear it all the time. You think it complements your hair and your colouring and even your smile. And you might have to stop yourself from wearing it so often, so that your coworkers know that you own other clothes and can wear other things. But still, it will last a long time. And you never want to give it away, and fear you'll wear it out one day and wonder if you can find another in the exact same style, shape and feel. Because when you first pick it up, you have no idea if it's going to be the one.

Maybe meeting someone is a little bit like that.

life according to ME

* You know you've lost interest in your crush when you talk about garbage-filled streets and smelly walks to work.
* You know you're a decent maid of honour when the bride-to-be sends you flowers following bachelorette weekend.
* You know life's kinda cool when the delivery man, upon learning that you are not home, drives to the restaurant you're at to deliver said bouquet.
* You know you're switching things up when the week's social activities are all centred around working out in some form.
* You know you're a procrastinator when you make a random list instead of folding the laundry that's taken over your living room.

* You know you're pretty awesome if you're reading this post.

xo

to do-oooo be do be do

Thinking about making a plan for January. Everyone will be married, the snow will be here, and I'll still be wanting what I've always wanted. : )

great feeling #1

When someone spots you on the street and can't wait to say hello. xo.

27

I think I would be completely OK with turning 27 if I my drunk self didn't ask for advice... most of which sounds like "you don't have a boyfriend and you're 27? That doesn't sound like a very good life! Hurry up and find one."

The hardest part? I already know.

So happy. So sad. So wanting to pack my bags and see what's next.

xo

woah!

I learned a lot at dinner tonight. It was good that I already ate dinner at my house, and then was all ears with a warm cup of tea in my hands. I was also able to impart some of my womanly wisdom and insight. #sharingiscaring

I don't think anything is going to feel better than this bath before bed. Weeeee! xo.

Tomorrow looks like it's going to be a hard one.

Eek. Au Secour. Por Favor. x to the o.

it's a wrap: sunday evening musings

music can be so very calming.
friends can be so very funny. nothing's cuter than creating inside jokes at the start of a hangout sesh, and recycling them before the outing's over.
sneaking into an extra film is thrilling in that maybe I'm still in high school kind of way.
rearranged my room and nothing's sweeter than waking up to the sun and the trees and the bright blue sky.
people are making me dizzy in a good way.
xo.

hi, again

So I'm taking a little bit of time to regroup and reorganize and reconsider everything that's been going on in this place, in my space, at this pace.

My living area includes a desk lifted from the street with the help of my strong-enough-like-sheryl's-(maybe)-guy neighbour. It's been sitting there for too long, unused, and I'm now going through the process of rearranging mon boudoir to fit a little study corner. They say you aren't supposed to mix sleep and work, but maybe I'm not listening to those people. And maybe I'll use this desk for fun things, like rants of consciousness and creative writing and this and a that.

I was inspired after reading someone's blog and seeing her formidable list of things to do in 2009. They seemed crazy but it seems like she's going to do them all (or at least, a lot) and that's really, really awesome. Lists can be cool like that and sneak into your subconscious and help you do all of those things you really, really want to do. Second guesses, out the window, so long.

Did I tell you I have a cold? Yes, this is called the post-Stampede flu and my boss says it's because I didn't put polysporin up my nose before the plane took off. It sounds crazy, but I actually took her advice when I flew to France a mere few months ago, and I came back healthy and looking alive. Not that I look dead, but I'm missing a little glow, for sure.

Maybe it's time to put those strawberries back on.

Wish me luck in this crazy pursuit.

xo

let's face it.

I have strawberries on my face.

On purpose.

I picked up French Women For All Seasons, and it has compelled me to live a little bit better. One way involves mixing mashed strawberries with honey and Vaseline, and leaving it on my face for 15 minutes. It feels quite nice, actually.

The book also helped me snack less than I normally would have tonight, because I took the time to think about whether or not half of my portion was sufficient. (It was.)

Did I tell you the endorphins are back? Well, for today. I went for a jog and even though a bird dropped its droppings on my thigh, I'm going to take it as a good sign. (Agreed?)

xo
lori

my grandparents are comedians

Even though I'm spent, I don't want to forget the little gems that I heard when visiting my grandparents tonight.

She gave us each a slice of cake, and when I asked him "como dicia 'cake'" (I totally can't spell in Italian), he said "cake?", I said "yes, cake!" and he said "What do you think? It's a same-a thing. You think we had the cake in the old country!? Ma, gah geez!"

My sister tells her that my birthday is coming up in two weeks. (Note: my grandparents have a farm.) She says "Oh, I know! Lori's a birthday is when the beans are ready!"

There is a mole digging up holes in my grandparents' front lawn. He says "Ma, what am I a gonna do with this? I try to get'him with the shovel, but I can't! Whaddya gonna do?"

That's only three. If my sister remembers the others, I'll post them, too. Oh, and my grandparents both tried on my sunglasses. They looked super cute.

haha. And I wonder how I became so wonderfully crazy. ; )

xo <3

love or something like it

I just watched the Spanish Apartment in French with English subtitles. So happy to learn that there is a sequel and a third film in the works.

The ending of this film is completely awesome. And while maybe it's a little on the long side, I didn't really mind at all. I think watching someone else's adventure is almost but not quite at all like living my own. ; )

Am downloading OK Computer right now (how many years late?), mostly because "No Surprises" played twice in the film and I'm in the mood to hear it a third, fourth and fourteenth time.

P.S. This is the story of my life right now. At least, from my perspective. : )

22,000 is the loneliest number

It's so hot in this apartment I just might die.

It would probably be better if I wasn't sitting next to this increasingly hot computer. #timetobuyafan

The last few days have been a bit of a time warp, tilt a whirl, yay fun & adventure. It's nice to catch up with old friends, especially the ones where you don't seem to skip a beat, not a one.

However, I was reading Who's Your City while standing in the nearby bookstore and I learned a somewhat alarming statistic. I've always said that Toronto seems to be filled with fabulous single ladies, and I just don't seem to know as many amazing single men. And so it turns out there are 22,000 more single women than men in this city. No wonder! I'm not a killer or one of those die-hard go-getters and I just don't have the energy to battle through it all.

SO. Toronto is the worst city I could be living in, in that respect. Obviously, it is amazing for my career and it's close to my friends and family. And there are a million things to do and I do quite enjoy it. But, I just might have to enjoy it alone. Well, alone with 21,999 other ladies. ; )

So, where should a bright and lovely single woman be living?

1. Calgary
2. Ottawa
3. Victoria
4. Edmonton
5. Guelph

Maybe I should take a little tour. Well, I am going to Calgary next week (unrelated!!! promise!).

Maybe the city of Toronto needs to change its advertising campaign to something like... "Single! Women! Everywhere!"

Or not.

xo. night!

stealer face

I am home from the bar and a long and lovely day out in the world and all I want to do is eat! Is it bad that I just enjoyed my friend's vegan leftovers? To be fair, he did say maybe I could have them. : )

Anyways, I don't have much to say other than that today was nice. Delicious brunch. Nice drive. Scrabble. Transit ride. Bike ride. Bike buying lessons (but still no bike). Biking in the rain. Walking in the rain. Transit ride. Art gallery. Drawing in the art gallery (inspired by the youngsters). Yummy dinner. Trek up north. Long transit ride. Watching Victoria Day. Q&A with director. Long transit ride back. Recognized in real life by barista boys. Drinking very dark beer (what?). Dancing pour my friends the DJs. Eating friend's leftovers. Time for bed.

Good night. xo.

another one for monday

Did I tell you about the time I let a little crush get the best of me?

I swear, it's so easy for me to wrap my head around the possibility of something or someone that I just let my heart sink and swim with the slightest upturn of a smile.

It's funny that this is the moodiest I've been in a long time. Any survival tips?

Happy to have made plans with an old friend for a good one-on-one chat. : ) Looking forward to a fresh perspective this week.

xo, life.

lori

Am I good enough?

So questions the Bachelorette.

I can't believe how different this show is when a girl is "wearing the pants." Even though she has the power to pick her potential mate, she's not really in control of the situation at all.

She's constantly looking for confirmation that the guys like her... that they find her interesting and that they want to be there... completely opposite to the girls on the Bachelor, who all immediately spilled about how much they liked Jason.

Woah, she even kinda quoted one of the guys in her closing! "These have been the best dates of my life... and some of the best days too." Totally paraphrased the other guy.

Not saying I'd be any different, but it's just interesting to see the shift in dynamic.

P.S. I wonder if Ed will come back. That would be awesome.

a day away

Sun-kissed shoulders. Well, more like the sun totally made out with my shoulders. They're red, but they're used to it. Oopsy-daisy. (Oh, Hugh.)

Would love to have another pretend-vacation day. I want to plop into a new space every now and again, where I don't know a soul and where opportunity seems to be everywhere, all the time.

Randomly picked up a book today called Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You. It's a little bit obvious so far, but it did let me take a mini personality test in which I learned (or confirmed) that I'm very open & agreeable. Oh, me.

xo. <3

how to be better.

I'm such a whiner, sometimes. 0 : )

Finally downloaded Phoenix.
Finally finished The Road.
Finally did yoga!
Finally spent a lesiurely day solo. <3

I think I want to give up drinking. #amIcrazy?

the emo side of life

I wake up lonely / and go to bed the same way

Today was one of those days where I was surrounded my friends but felt very alone. Do you know the feeling? (Hayden does.)

Sometimes I think that I've become a really amazing listener, but I don't feel like I have anyone to really listen to me. Well, about the things at the heart of it all. Like hopes and dreams and fears and genuine concerns. It's weird to be missing that kind of connection. And it's a little bit terrifying.

And I know that I do have friends who are there and would listen if I asked... but I don't really want to ask, you know?

(I miss it so much that it downright hurts.)

high / low

It's like all of a sudden my body started to shut down. It's like HEY, wake up, girl. You're so not giving me the fuel I need, and I'm getting pissed off.

So, really, I need to go for bloodwork and I need to eat a steak and I need to somehow become strong enough to not feel faint, and to not feel like my arm is going to fall off when carrying one somewhat full bag of groceries (filled with healthy food, I swear).

Why do I put off the most important things for so long? It's like I'm embarrassed to know how bad some things get. Or it's a fear thing. But I'm not being very smart about this at all, I know.

Oh, right. I titled this post high/low. That was the low. The high was the feeling I just had when the not-so-stranger stranger noticed me walking by and flashed me that familiar, so great-to-see you smile. I didn't feel tired at all when that happened. #stillswooning...stillshy

OK. I'm popping vitamins & then I'm cheering for those angel wings.

xo
lori

lists & leaving things behind

I should really call my French teacher. I've been back for more than a month and haven't caught her up on my mini-adventure or returned to my studies. I think I really need to get back into it, because I suddenly feel things becoming a little bit stale.

I was writing in this journal more often than I say 'oh la la' and then I must have been distracted by something shiny and pretty. Anyways, here I am again. I'm spending my nights sipping on champagne with strawberries, watching The Bachelorette with friends. I've been to another wedding, worn a new dress and felt my heart crush just a bit when I found out my cute @ home hairdresser already gave his heart away. I've been accepting early & bizarre birthday presents in the form of potentially e-harmony-ous gifts. I'm happy then sad then bored then buzzing with excitement. I'm falling for strangers and spending too much on my morning coffee. I'm running from things when they become overwhelming and sometimes just wish I could hide. I'm thinking it's still important to get enough sleep, so I should probably go to bed three hours ago. Oh. La. La.

And it's pouring outside.

"my life, my fault"

I think I should be doing a lot of things better.

Progress, TK.

Edit: Made dinner for my friends and it didn't kill them. (I believe their vocabulary included the word "delicious"). #doingthingsbetter

p.s. this is great <3

change can save your life

... or at least your perspective.

I wonder how easy it is for people to slip in and out of various states. Like, I was completely happy and feeling fine this a.m., then lost my concentration somewhere along the way, and when the clock struck 5 p.m., and the sun was shining and the city was laughing, I felt quite disconnected from it all. Like, a little bit lonely in a place where people are everywhere.

It's weird when I think about the fact that Toronto = my home. I don't know when exactly it happened, but, well, it's the reality now. And today I missed my friends x2 that moved away, and I wonder what I'm missing and what I want. And I'm rambling.

Anyways, back to my title... I think that no matter how bad your day was or how confused you might feel for that fleeting moment, any new piece of music, advice, conversation or feeling can shake things up or put you right back together again. so, yay for that.

x to the o randomness of this eve.

sleepy bears

I just tried something new. You can click on the title of this blog post to find out what!

Really, that's all I did. I made my first clickable title. WOAH. "But, Lori, what does it mean?" I downloaded the Grizzly Bears on iTunes tonight (because I am too nice to steal... or too willing to spend money... and I didn't even have to leave this comfy couch).

It's calming and tiring... or maybe I'm just feeling tired because I'm typing in the dark while it rains then stops then rains again. I wonder who's crying today? I wonder if they could match the rain's intensity with the emotional intensity of a person or event. Like 104, this cool art space I stepped inside in Paris (I miss you). One of the pieces included a video projection of a soccer game. I was like, but what does this mean? And then the explanatory pamphlet told me that there was a video to represent every outside temperature. So that mostly muggy somewhat breezy & bright day was depicted as a soccer match. Interesting, oui.

All day today I dreamt about coming home, pouring a glass of wine, lighting a little treat and taking a long, long bath. Instead, I am reading blogs, laying on my couch and eating what will probably round out to be an entire movie-size bag of peanut butter M&Ms. Hmm.

It's funny when you decide to spend a night alone at home. It seems so perfect and then it turns into this introspective evening where you question all the regular things you do, feel, etc. And then at the end of it all, you probably regret eating all that really great chocolate.

mama said knock you out

Things seem busy, but I feel like I'm in a mood-swinging rut.

So, let's mix & fix things up. First, by way of spring cleaning. And you know what makes spring cleaning all the more bearable? Calling in reinforcements.

My mother would probably have me murdered if she knew I was bringing in a maid for the 2nd annual 'help Lori get a life more organized' rally. Maybe I can consider it an early birthday gift to me, or just think of it as a way to keep my sanity or put me back on track or whatever whatever.

Anyways, speaking of my mother... I was speaking with her on the phone tonight and it seemed like she was listening to my answer to "how's work?" but then her "well, you can look for another job" response didn't really match what I was saying at all, which is that I like my job but it might change a bit & change can be a little scary, blahblahblah. I think she is just waiting for me to break down, go back to school, become a teacher, fall in love, move to Leamington, and have family dinners together every Sunday.

Anyways, yesterday was a crazy fun party day and now is a way less fun trying to feel better night. Work in 9 hours. To bed in 9 minutes. maybe.

best present ever

You know what can put you in a really good mood?

Buying a really perfect present for a friend's birthday. At least, I think it's pretty hilariously perfect. So if she doesn't like it, I'll keep it around as a good laugh... or as a reminder that we don't find the same things funny no not at all.

I had two coffees today but am STILL sleepy. I have gotten into the habit of buying POP and pouring just a little bit at a time for quick sugar pick-me-ups. I am the real thing, yes indeed. More so than Coke, let me tell you. But actually I am kinda liking root beer right now. My, how tastes can grow, change, evolve, mature.

heat & feeling beat

sometimes when the sun is shining you feel this pressure to shine on too.

but today I didn't feel as fabulous as the weather. Everything seemed so heavy on the walk home from post-work bevies, and I couldn't (and still can't) think of a quick way to shake it. Perhaps it's best to stop, sleep & replay a better day.

addicted to lust

Have you ever been infatuated with someone?

Like in that maybe-it's-unhealthy-but-I-can't-step-outside-and-recognize kind of way?

Hmm. I probably would have said no before sitting down for a post-work coffee with my newly married friend. I absolutely love the candid way she speaks, and how willing she is to spill her secrets (maybe not so secret secrets?) and admit to falling under spells or behaving somewhat badly or making not-so-great decisions (but we've all been there, right?).

I think I actually miss doing some of those crazy things (but that would be crazy, right?). And I'm teetering on the edge of behaving inappropriately or pulling back to reality. Hmm. Probably this time around I should take the smartest and safest route.

I'm sure there'll be another opportunity to take the road more twisted.

(Right?)

who's reading and writing

This has been a relatively quiet, unread blog - partly because I keep it rather quiet (and partly because I am another blog in a sea of blogs).

I might have two (or three) new readers, and this is one (or two) new readers than before. How shocking and hard to handle. If new people are reading, hello, dear friends!

But it's hard to write when you're aware that people you know are reading. But I do use this as a bit of a release, and maybe it's the alcohol in me or my naturally emotional state, but I found out that someone I knew, however briefly, passed away and it was really hard to hear. Perhaps especially because I remember his wife losing her father and mother within the two years prior to their marriage... I can't even imagine. I don't want to imagine.

Maybe that's all I want to write tonight.

let's talk it out

Today, I got to thinking about what makes a really great conversationalist.

While walking with my neighbour, probably one of the people in my personal life who I talk to the most, we came up with this quick, mini-list. I don't think it would get full marks if, um, graded by a great conversationalist. But it's a start.

Great conversationalists take interest in the other person (or people). They ask questions, and hopefully ones that make the other person pause and carefully consider their answer. You know, a little food for thought. It helps to know a lot about various subjects, and to share information in an interesting, witty and memorable way. I think the best conversationalists leave you thinking about topics in a new, inspirational kind of way.

One of my old flings was especially good at this. And it's funny, I didn't realize it at the time. Another person had to point it out, and I think that, post-relationship, I started to miss something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Or maybe it was just stuck to the roof of my mouth. So now, a couple of years later, I'm looking for ways to bring back not him, but the elements of various relationships that I especially enjoyed.

And, for now, it's something to blog about.

long weekend heyyyy hey hey

Actually, I'm not a cottage type of girl or a camping type of person or whatever other kind of Torontonian lives fully for those long weekends.


Maybe it's because I grew up in the country(ish) and never required a weekend escape from pedestrians and traffic. And now maybe it's because I've never seemed to become friends with anyone who could lead me on the road to sweet weekend escapes.

* * *

Last night I looked up an old friend and she was working in PR. Then I had this terrible dream that I worked in PR. I quit my current job and on my first day at this new, foreign place I totally freaked out and was like "what the heck did I just do? I miss my old job! It was awesome!" And I woke up so relieved and it made me realize I'm in pretty good place and it was a very good feeling.

* * *

This week was nice and lovely but perhaps somewhat uneventful in the way that I didn't have very many "OH MY GOD" stories for my friend at Saturday morning brunch. Instead, it was more or less a "OH MY GOD, listen to this book I'm reading - can you believe what's going on?!" And she was all like "Listen to this LIFE I'm living - can you believe these boys and what's going on!?" And I was like, OH. Look at the difference in our lives.

* * *

A * * * break may not have been needed because I still want to talk about the book because it wasn't a book I'd normally pick up and I was a little offended that my other friend thought I'd like it. Why? Because it was a full-out ROMANCE novel with a kitten on the cover (I don't even like those things). But after seeing her again last night I gave in and started & finished it before writing this post. Hrmph. Maybe I should listen to my psychic (ha "my" psychic, like we have regular appointments set up. But, no, we don't), and put pen to paper (well, that's like the olden days) and start writing something that isn't work-related. Maybe.

* * *

I am listening to Peter Doherty. I really like it, and it's a sound I brought back with me after my trip (I seem to be very influenced by boys & their taste in music, maybe because it reminds me of that kind of feeling that slips away so quickly). Anyways, the point of bringing up this soundtrack was to say that it will not help me complete the required task at hand (reorganize apartment / make it presentable). Instead it makes me want to sit on the couch and stare at the rain and romanticize the day and hope for mini miracles.

hello, again

"be happy for this moment - this moment is your life."

And this moment, I'm listening to "Have you seen in your dreams" by Miracle Fortress. It's a very pretty & upbeat song (which makes me almost forget about the darkness that was last night's viewing of The Reader -- but it did have a fantastic score by Nico Muhly).

Anyways, it has been forever and a day since I've posted on here, and so many things have happened. I've been to Paris, France. (How would you feel if you lived in Paris, Ontario? Do you think they eat Camembert, pain au chocolat and parle en francais aussi?). I would if I lived there (should this part still be in parentheses? I am tired of them).

Work is going well. I am still feeling somewhat relaxed from my vacation. But I am staying up past my bedtime again. This one not what I had planned.

My post-vacation list of ways to make every day feel like vacation included making time for sleep.

Hmm. It's never too late until you run out of the hours required to clock in eight hours of sleep.

Oops (such a familiar little word).

Happy Wednesday night. This moment is sweet.

Which means my life is sweet, too.

nine weeks

Did I tell you about the time I went to a psychic brunch? Probably not, since I haven't blogged in nearly a month.

Did you know that psychics can give you homework assignments? Probably not, since I think they only give them to me.

So he just went ahead and dished one out, expecting me to complete it. Well, he did say I'd be OK if I skipped the assignment, but if I just did it, I wouldn't have all those ol' ghosts randomly creeping up in my life.

So maybe it's worth it? Maybe this girl will put some pen to paper, and pour her little heart out.

hey na na na na na na

you look older, i can tell by your hands
drinks only gin says it's how to keep thin
and she's crying after every meal
no, you don't know how you're making me feel.

tell her that i just can't go on
tell her that there's just something wrong...

strong/indifferent/lonely/soclosetobeinginarut/alreadythere?

this week's soundtrack: http://www.myspace.com/coconutrecords

a great friend

didn't anybody tell you, didn't anybody tell you how to gracefully disappear in a room?

at this point in my life, i rarely have the feeling of absolutely needing someone. but it's been confirmed that if and when i do, someone will be there. nothing could make me feel so lucky, thankful or relieved.

didn't anybody tell you, didn't anybody tell you this river's full of lost sharks?

knotty by nature

I waited 27 minutes for the Dundas steetcar, during which time I thought about all the things I've been doing that have been putting uncomfortable knots in my stomach (though today my boss did inspire me by saying that she follows the belief that everything worth duing should come with that knotty feeling... though it should be more of a nervous one than a letdown).

I am reading The Element by Ken Robinson, and it inspires us to find exactly what it is we're best at, and to enjoy doing exactly that. I think I'm currently doing some of the things I do best, but I'm probably not really working it as well as I could. Like, today I pretty much passed an idea along to someone else, which should have been an idea I carried and presented, and now its origins will probably get lost in the shuffle.

I shouldn't do that. Mis-take.

But I am learning that I'm most inspired when sitting down in meetings with other, more experienced people who are bouncing around big ideas (of course, right?). It's just really great when I feel the need to scribble down ideas before they themselves get lost in the shuffle that is the day-to-day duties that, if you're not careful, can be rather suffocating.

So I just need to find ways to make myself heard and noticed even more (and maybe I should practise by smiling back at the cute boy who grins at me... and then walks on by).

"gonna make it through this year"

Well, that's what the Great Lake Swimmers have to say. It's a really pretty song, even though the undertones are somewhat depressing.

As for me, yes yes, I will make it through this year. But I wonder if I'll shake the feelings I've been feeling as of late. Some of them worry me, a little.

Like when I watched Revolutionary Road and started to fantasize (again) about picking up and moving somewhere... "It doesn't have to be Paris... it could be anywhere, really."

And that having a backbone really means being able to choose the life you want to lead... which probably means I shouldn't envy the old university friend who finds me on Facebook, who I can see is living in Italy, working as a nanny and an English teacher. But my mind just envies it envies it envies it.

Who has dreams like this during Times Like These?

baby, you can drive my car

Isn't this pretty? The only thing prettier was my company tonight. Oh, and also my meal. It was totes pretty, but in more of a masculine way (I wonder if a femmy will get angry at me for saying this?) because it was a huge, thick piece of steak. Yum. My doctor would be so so so proud of me because I am finally following her prescription of eating one steak every seven to 10 days. Maybe I should set up a weekly hump-day made-in-heaven meal. Actually, the last two Wednesdays have been a gastronomic delight, which makes up for last night's pizza dinner.

I just did a spellcheck and did you know 'femmy' is not an acceptable word? 0 : )

* the image is of Sidecar, on College Street, prix fixe = $22

A Clean Sweep

My fridge is a fright. Or maybe it's just frightened.

Its insides contain one carton of expired milk, two takeout boxes of not-so-good food and three containers of old yogurt. (But not for long. I promise.)

I wonder if it's wrong to choose Garbage Day as one of my favourite days. (I also enjoy Recycling Day and Green Bin Day, for the record.) There's something so relaxing, refreshing and rejuvenating about purging the mess I've made, and given the chance to start from scratch yet again.

Maybe Gore, Suzuki and Mother Nature would disapprove.

Maybe we won't let them know about this. 0 : )

swing your heartache

long, leisurely, a little bit of everything.

plans of artartart replaced by doubtdoubtdoubt (ok story, great acting).

dinner with old! boy! friends! replaced by dinner with favourite! boy! friend!

did not find frames but did find the materials (!) to make my own pretty curtains.

wish I could stay home tomorrow, if only to listen to the 19 CDs I picked up at the library (from Neil Young to Young Galaxy!).

Questions pour vous

1. Has the need to RSVP died in the age of Facebook and the like? A yes or no is all we need.

2. Why do you need to buy everything? I signed up for a library card yesterday (to which they said, "Welcome to the team!"). Hours of entertainment (in book & CD form), and not a penny spent.

3. Are people less attractive when they like you too much? I feel uncomfortable when I get that look, but it's also so nice to have someone point out all my best. It's been awhile.

xo. time to clean and prepare for TK people.

w/e

oh oh oh! so many plans made so quickly!

friday -- artartart + drinksdrinksdrinks

satur/day -- library = free books! paying $$ for reading is not in 2k9's R-hindered budget
satur/day -- anchoring = finding frames/curtains/pictures to style this place totes comfy

satur/food -- maybe! with! old! boy! friends!
satur/night -- legend(youknowwhatgoeshere)ary host NPH on SNL!

the rest is a secret! or maybe i don't know yet! or maybe it's time for sleep.

xo. lori

I used to be free-spirited...

... now I'm just free of sleep

This Business of Art was one of my most-played albums through high school. My friend Liz was pen pals (!!!) with one of Tegan and Sara's friends, and she introduced me to the melodies.

And then last night I watched the first episode of Being Erica, and I heard "Where Does the Good Go?" Where do you go with your broken heart in tow? What do you with the left-over you?

And then today blip.fm reintroduced me to "Frozen," "Proud" and "More For Me." I wish I could hear the disc as a whole, but finding my old CD is a task too difficult for this not-so organized girl.

Pretty? Possibly? Maybe? I want to draw you a floorplan of my head and heart (from The Con, 2007)

xox. g'night.

push it (real good)

Where do you write about work when your co-workers are on your FB and Twitter feeds?

I am feeling creatively challenged and am looking for ways to get out of this ill-timed rut. Maybe my (sometimes) clever copy is still on holiday? Maybe two weeks away is two weeks too many? Maybe yoga will help? Tea? Wine? Dancing? Crafting? Cleaning? Cooking? This book?

I am trying. Even though I put on my Pilates gear and didn't make it out the door. (Poseur?) And while I gathered ingredients for tonight's dinner, they still sit on the counter, bored and ignored.

Maybe I just need to shut up and work harder.

all about me?

if I had gold locks I'd feel like a fairytale character. don't like me too much, don't like me too little, I want you to like me juuuussst right. y'know?

or maybe I just need to find someone who I like just right?

is it odd to capitalize "I" every time, but to leave my first words un-cap'd?

silly distractions.

silly girl.

drink it up

08 08 08 08

the year that deep, old scar finally, finally healed

the year I shook an increasingly dull & disheartening position

the year I branched out and developed some truly wonderful friendships

0yes 0yes 0yes

good for me. <3