Sunday, December 28, 2008

one long day...


... that's kind of what the holidays feel like. I've been dunking more homemade biscottis than I'd care to admit. The kettle and coffee pot are scoring special attention. And the effects of festive food and drink make me feel like I'm expecting (which, fyi, is impossible unless there's another xmas miracle)
***
listening to CBC radio 3 because my playlists calm me. spent an hour on the treadmill while watching Knocked Up (how appropriate) on satellite. Spent too many hours browsing the Internet and not really learning much at all. Finished The Bro Code. Should really finish (start) writing my 200 words of the week.

xo.

Monday, December 22, 2008

14 hours


to pack, sleep, clean and proof a week's worth of e-mails.
eeek!
oops.
woo!

Hey Ocean! "Humaita"
Castlemusic "We Always Change"
Brasstronaut "Requiem for a Scene"
Coeur de Pirate "Comme des enfants"
Gentlemen Reg "You Can't Get It Back"

(repeat)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

from 303 to 301

I love when people make casual comments that leave lasting impressions.

My favourite?

"Lori, you gotta look out for No. 1...

... that's YOU!"

It's quite a basic way to think about things, but it's so important. There was a time when I was ignorant or simpled ignored what was best for myself and my sanity. And while that's not a time I'd like to relive, I feel like I gained a greater sense of self, and I can look at other situations with so much more clarity because of it.

The hardest part is watching friends deal with the unfriendly bits of life, and while I'd like them to take the quickest, most effective escape routes, that's often not the case. But then part of me wonders if I'm developing this no-second-chances, cynical, get-out-before-you-get-hurt kind of mindset.

I just think it's the safest way to look out for this No. 1, y'know?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

will it heal you or hurt you?

I picked up what might be the last Wish magazine, partly because the New Year's headlines pulled me in, and partly because I felt sorry for the now-defunct glossy magazine.

So, either in remembrance of the publication or in honour of my aim to be better/stronger (than yesterday?), I will apply a lesson from the 'Mind Over Matter' piece to my life... or at least to my day.

It tells me that 'happiness ain't easy' ... and though I have been happy as of late, someone still called me a cynic at a holiday party. Why should I be cynical at a party? What happened to the bright-eyed, happy-go-lucky girl that most other people see?

This article aims to 'weed out negativity in everyday decisions' and will encourage me to make decisions that are good for me. In order to do this, I need to take 100% responsibility for the failures and the fabulousness in my life (those are Wish's f-words, FYI).

So I need to start asking myself, in my daily conversations, relationships, eating patterns, etc., 'Is this healing me or hurting me?'

Right now I am sitting in my PJs on my couch at 1:30 p.m. I have been thinking about making coffee, eggs and toast for a couple of hours. I have been glancing at my half un-packed suitcase from last weekend's lift in NYC. I know I need to mail letters and subscriptions, need to write a couple of stories and must-must-must organize my clothes. But I am listening to Radio 3, g-chatting, writing this and feeling guilty.

Maybe it's time to heal, girl.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

decemblah

No one guessed my lie today. Maybe I should consider a career in crime.

People talk about the November blahs, but I very much enjoyed last month. It's this month that's wearing at my soul, my bones and my sanity. I'm following orders and eating steak, but my energy level is still so low that I've spent far too many hours on the couch watching CSI, Law & Order, Criminal Minds and more uplifting programs.

I'm alone in my apartment and I just heard a sound and it's creeping me out. : (

Good night.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

tea & tulips

I have to come up with two truths and a lie for a work-related icebreaker tomorrow morning. Fun, maybe? Hard, yes? Why? I have one of each nailed down, and thinking about the second truth is difficult. Maybe I should have done a few more wild things in my youth? Anyways, I'll give a sampling of truths and lies of recent lori thoughts and events:

1. I think this song is super catchy.
2. I would never date someone shorter than I am.
3. There is a new infomercial selling an Obama Chia Pet.
4. I have the most supportive, brilliant and interesting friends.
5. My horoscope accurately predicted that I would make a mistake at work.
6. People think that I think board games are more important than brain surgeons.
7. I have a crush on a serial killer. His name is Dexter. Maybe you've heard of him.
8. My doctor's prescription included buying a George Foreman grill and eating steak every seven to 10 days.

I was tired two hours ago. Why am I still awake?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Set it up

There has been a common theme running through the last week of my life. Here are a few things that come to mind:

1. My friend messages me to tell me about her dream. Apparently, we meet up and I have a 'significant other' with me -- and he's cute! And then she tells me about another dream in which I have a Polish fiance whose last name starts with the letter K. She also tells me that her dreams always come true.*

2. My sister e-mails me to tell me that she thought she found the perfect guy for me. The only commonality she included in her message was that he worked in media (my guess is that he was/is also funny). Anyways, she just said, if only you could get over your height complex it could work. But then she added that she looked at his hand and saw that he was married.**

3. My coworker who I didn't think loved me all that much spoke to me at our holiday party avec her petit ami. She told me that when I started I was so quiet that she wondered why our company would hire someone like me. I guess she maybe changed her mind, because then she talked about how she wanted to set me up with her boyfriend's brother because we would be just perfect for each other.***

4. Today in the dealer's car (as in the car dealership drive-me-home-while-you-fix-my-car program), the guy next to me asked if he could ask for my opinion on something. Interestingly enough, it involved an ad campaign directed at my demographic and he wanted feedback regarding his design. I don't know how much I liked the ad's concept, which maybe wasn't his fault. Anyways, this turned into a getting-to-know-you-until-we-eventually-part conversation.****

There are a couple other instances that follow this same thread (all within the last week) but I need to start writing for money now (and this post already has more stars than the American flag).*****

* This is the same friend who, in grade school, dreamt that she was kidnapped by a wolf and had to marry him.
** She did end her message by saying "And that's my useless story for the day."
*** Her boyfriend tried to get a few words in that sounded something like "I don't know how available he is these days..."
**** He might have blushed when I told him that, funnily enough, I'm employed as a copywriter.
***** Cross your fingers and hope that I'm inspired today. Oh, and thanks for reading. : )

Sunday, November 23, 2008

sigh, and be down with the butterfly


all this worrying for no reason / and this wasted time and all this hurrying... for no reason

highlights & lowlights / november 23, 2008:

cheap high: reading my horizontal life
immediate side-effect: it made me crave a one-night stand
overall lesson learned: even chelsea wants to live happily ever after

lowest low: screening phone calls. even from my mom. especially from my mom.
immediate side-effect: she's pissed. i feel guilty, irresponsible, like a bad daughter, etc., etc.
overall lesson learned: don't give your mom life updates, and she won't have reason to hound you about what you've accomplished

other lows: skipping drinks, skipping dinner, skipping out on organizing my closet two hours too soon
other highs: reading in bed, writing in bed, drinking tea in bed, eating chocolate chips in bed

i need one more day before it starts all over again.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

pretty depressing or just plain pretty?


when i'm dead
is when i'll be free
so you can take my body
put it in a boat
light it on fire
send it out to sea
yeah, yeah, yeah

"willow tree" by chad vangaleen is so pretty, isn't it? you should listen to it on radio3.cbc.ca (my daily soundtrack). i know it sounds depressing and all that jazz (note: i don't mean it sounds like jazz. it doesn't. at all), but it's so perfect in this sad and wonderful way. go listen if you can... wow, they're playing all my favourites now. i also love "curse of the currents" by said the whale. go listen to it if you have time. oh! listen to "run from safety" by octoberman too!

no caps lock key tonight. did you know caps lock is two words? that's what my key board says (ha. i accidentally typed that as two words but i'll leave it because it's funny... to me). anyways, no caps lock key because i was hard at work all day (!) on a project for my boss. i hope she doesn't think it sucks, but there's only so much this girl can give, maybe.

ok. i hope you love snow and are making angels or at least behaving like the good little angel i know you can be.

wishing you the best of dreams and thursday morning smiles. <3

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

she gave up raisins for Lent

*
1. I have a huge project due Thursday morning and I'm more than a little nervous about it. This feels like university, but I don't think anyone will pull an all-nighter with me, and meet me on the main floor for a 4 a.m. melted cheese and Triscuits treat.

2. We discussed my inability to deny myself life's pleasures, to show signs of self-restraint and to delay instant gratification. This made me say that I'd give up chain food restaurants for TK amount of time. When she asked where I'd get my morning (and afternoon) cup of coffee, I said, Second Cup?

3. Maybe this is the happiest I've ever been in life. Just maybe.

P.S. Wish me luck on my write-up. Or at least think it. And if you are actually wishing that I fail, stop reading my blog, eh?

<3 loves.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

life or something like it


I'm breaking my own blog rules. Crazy! I am typing in Georgia instead of the typical Trebuchet. How wild and free of me. Did you know that Georgia and I go way back? When I applied for a job at Scholastic, I chose that font for my cover letter and it happened to be my supervisor's favourite font (she also enjoyed the pink paper that framed my application). In my working world, it's always a good idea to include things that are pink, pretty and a little bit creative.

When I opened this window I didn't mean to type any of the above words. I wanted to write about how proud I am of myself for eating so many vegetables for dinner (so many vegetables that only cost $3.48 at the store down the street!). Asparagus. Broccoli. Sweet Potatoes. Yum yum yum. Those are some good-looking greens (and oranges!). I feel so good I don't even want to uncork the bottle of wine ($14.95!) that I also brought home. AND I felt so good that I wrote my weekly freelance piece THREE DAYS EARLY. This never happens.

I am almost inspired to tackle the mess that is my wardrobe... this is inspiration that is carried over from yesterday when I watched Oprah, which was all about decluttering your space and how the way you treat your home is a reflection of the way you treat yourself and YOUR LIFE. Wow, veggies give me so much energy that I feel inclined to turn on the capslock.

This is such a diary entry. Ha. There's so much positivity in this post that I don't even want to complain about the complaint I had. But if I just can't keep it bottled in, maybe I'll log on late in the night and write an angsty entry about all that is wrong in the world (which won't include vegetables, local vendors or pink&pretty things).

xo. c'est tout. <3

Sunday, November 9, 2008

the cupcake fairy


Dinner was supposed to be at my house tonight. Then it became snacks. Then it became cupcakes. Then it became just me!

So what's a girl to do with 12 full-size cupcakes and 24 mini ones?

She makes friends with her neighbours. And now she's gonna score some cookies later this week. Not a bad trade at all. : )

Today's lesson: It's never a bad idea to make too many sweet treats. (And you should probably go to bed before the sugar crash hits.)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

happy-not-lucky?


It's hard to know what to do because your natural rhythm may be disrupted by something that is totally out of your control. Fortunately, your positive attitude can help, but you'll need to be willing to settle on less comfort than you prefer normally. Keep in mind that whatever happens today is part of a larger shift that can take months to process.

So I know it's hard to care about someone else's horoscope (I'm a Cancer, in case you are too and can enjoy yours for the day), but I wanted to remember this one because it is bang bang bang on.... save for the fact that I don't know what happened today that's going to take months to process. Maybe I don't want to.

But I do know that I woke up disappointed today. And I was trying to regain my energy and I know it's up to me and only me to do this... so I went for a run. But instead of enjoying all the endorphins, I suffered burning ears from the cold. And then I went for a facial for full relaxation, and now my skin's reacting to the treatment. But THEN I had a really amazing dinner and, well, there was no bad reaction to that (except my tummy is sooo full of goodness).

Anyways, I'm sitting in this place where I'm not sure if I should keep trying trying trying and deal with the mood-altering consequences, or if it's easier to just sit back, relax and secretly hope it all works out.

Monday, October 27, 2008

bold digital women


ha. so my friend and I just did ridiculously silly things online and now we're waiting to see what comes of them. I blame it on my dinner of apple crisp and white wine. Ooops. And I was on such a good cleaning role until the online world distracted me! For shame.

But still! I will sleep like a wine-drinker tonight. 0 : )

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Telling stories can be tiring


... especially when you're sitting across from two fairly boring people. Well, people that don't really work very hard to add to a conversation between strangers. This is what tends to happen more at the parties and events I attend. I meet new people, talk a lot and very quickly, and once I run out of steam, we kind of just, well, sit there. Maybe I'm being too mean. All in all it was a good time and I caught up with an old friend and it involved getting my nails done (wee!). Save for the fact I bragged about not smudging them (this never happens!) and then, two hours after the polish change... I totally messed one up. Such is my life. Maybe karma for thinking the two girls were boring? 

Anyways, off to birthday number three of the weekend. Wish me luck.

xo
lori

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Too many days in a row...


It feels like it should already be Friday. I've barely been home, work's been bizarre and all I want is for my neighbours (below and on each side) to turn on their heat so I don't have to. Failing that, I'll be taking a bath every night for the next two nights (that I vow to stay home) and be in bed, under warm and silky sheets, at a decent hour.

And then the weekend's all about birthdays x 3.

xo
lori

Monday, October 20, 2008

goodbye, lovely weekend


So I was definitely drunk when I wrote my last post. But that's OK, right? Are there blog police that patrol this kind of stuff? Maybe kinda?

I love hyperlinking. It's one of my favourite things to do on the computer these days. It's because we do it all the time at work and I'm taking work home, y'know?

And now I'm tired drunk. And sometimes that's just as bad. And I'm supposed to write 200 words before bed, but instead I'm procrastiblogging. Which apparently involves making up new words that will never actually be new words.

Lots happened this weekend and this post could have gone in 17 different directions and I went with the rambling nonsensical route. Maybe not the best choice?

I like this Band of Horses lyric a lot:

I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride

good night. xo.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

that was a funny night


I was going to stay home and clean. But then I went out and drank instead. And maybe I judged you for doing manual labour that involved cleaning BBQs. Am I a horrible person? I don't know. But we won't talk ever again anyways.

But my friend said we'd have the cleanest BBQ ever AND a well-cut lawn. Why? I don't know.

I have no idea how I'm going to make it through this weekend. So. Tired. But. Had. Fun. Sigh.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Listening to Lykee Li again


I was at a reunion of sorts with old/current friends. We joked about our first year in residence, and thought about the first impressions we made. When it was my turn, everyone said "patchouli!" because I wore a hemp necklace and might have burned incense. Ha. And I had that Body Shop lotion that actually had patchouli and ylang ylang in it. 0 : )

I had five martinis. And then, as our real-world selves grew tired just thinking about another work day, I remembered last night's movie... and how wonderfully it showed Anne Hathaway's character at the wedding. One moment she would be dancing and laughing and feeling so free, and the next she'd be still, quiet, contemplative, and waiting to feel another rush of energy. I think we all feel that way sometimes.

It's been seven years since I was a young & hopeful small-town girl. And while a part of me misses that (or whatever bits I've since lost), one of the things I miss the most is one of my old, but great, friendships. Maybe it's something we can work out again someday.

xo. lori.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It might make you cry


Rachel Getting Married is sooo good (or maybe sooooo good). You should watch it if you're anything like me. Which means you might have an older sister (with long wavy hair) who appears pulled together, has fallen in love and is getting married. And you'd be the younger sister (with short straight hair) who is, comparatively, unpredictable, irresponsible and nowhere near saying 'I do.' Anyways, without giving away too much of the film, there are plenty of things I don't have in common with Hathaway's character.

But the film did help me understand my sister a little bit better -- which is worth so much more than the price of my ticket.

xo. lori.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What I think about when I think about...


I made my mark today. Part of me wanted to hang out in the small community centre for a little while longer, if only to have a better idea of the kind of people who live in my neighbourhood. But since they weren't serving wine or beer or tea, I decided to take a walk through the city and found myself at Chapters.

I picked up a collection of books and found a quiet corner and a comfortable chair. I wanted to read a sampling of stories, and I started with The Great Gatsby, a book I read in high school and wanted to revisit because of its connection to The Tourists, which is the last book I read (the author wrote in a similar style, whereby the narrator gives us an inside look into the lives of much more interesting people). After reading the first chapter I put the book down, thinking I may as well pick it up at a used bookstore one day.

Since I've read High Fidelity, About a Boy, How to Be Good and A Long Way Down (three of which I enjoyed), I picked up Slam and Songbook (or 31 Songs). The former was written from the perspective of a teenage boy who spoke to Tony Hawk, and I just couldn't relate to the character, nor the writing, which was supposed to be amusing but it didn't do it for me. As for Songbook, either I wasn't in the mood to read short essays about music, or I didn't care to read what Hornby had to say (don't tell him I said so, OK?).

Next up was Naked Lunch. By the second page I was laughing out loud, and after reading the first of 17 short stories, I put it in my "to purchase" pile.

And then I moved on to a funny female: Sloane Crosley. I just love the cover design and title of the book: I Was Told There'd Be Cake. It's another collection of short stories, and I found it fairly easy to relate to her, since she's similar in age with similar parts (this sounds so weird but I'm not hitting the backspace key tonight, save for just then when I accidentally typed "tonihgt"). She had some interesting and funny ideas I would have wanted to read aloud to the person sitting next to me had I known him. But Crosley is not as funny as Sedaris, so while I read two stories she joined the Hornby-dominated pile. I will, however, likely read a couple more on my next trip.

And the last book to sample was Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. He made me laugh within the first paragraph (but I already knew this from the first time I leafed through it), and I finished the first chapter. I've only read two of his novels, and while some of his ideas are bizarre, he has such an interesting way of thinking and is so great at writing the most perfect of sentences that you just want to put in your pocket so you can pull them out on a lonely and confusing kind of day. A couple of my favourite parts included his piece about how he prefers running to team sports, since he has no desire to win or lose in a competitive way; he only wants to meet the goals he sets for himself. It seems like such a simple, decent and worthwhile way to approach life. And the other idea that stood out? His bit about alone time, and how it's something that doesn't bother him in the least because he truly enjoys time on his own.

This is my longest post to date, but while I wait for my bath water to run (it's my favourite thing to do in October, so far), here are a few things that caught my eye today:

A real, passionate kiss between two people before they had to part. The scene lasted for a full three minutes while I waited for the streetcar. I vaguely remembered what it felt like to think about missing a person so much.

A real, beautiful home that is merely one block north of my modest apartment. Three stories high, with floor-to-ceiling windows that tease passers-by with what look to be wonderful pieces of art covering much of the lightly coloured walls.

A real, shirtless man eating dinner in front of his television. He surprised me, though probably much less than I'd surprise him if we happened to catch eyes, because I was only glancing at the street's scenery when I noticed the blinds to his ground-level condo were open for all completely innocent pedestrians to see.

And that's all for tonight.

xo

lori

Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy bird-day


To be single is to hate yourself. Clearly, everyone else in the world hates you. If they didn't, you'd be dating someone already.

This is scary. It's also scary that I clicked the necessary links to learn about this gem of a book. And it's hilarious that the woman's description of a single girl's life sounds like it's written by your mom. And the man's description? Maybe from that womanizer britney keeps talking about.

Anyways. I'm actually trying to work tonight because I hit a creative road block on Friday. And I haven't found a detour yet. And the turkey comatose didn't help. And the clock's a tickin'. Wish me luck.

xo.

lori

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I'm not sure what this one's about


My last trip to Montreal involved a camera and a crazy plan partly inspired by a random blog and partly by a random conversation with an ex-coworker/lasting friend. We discussed the sadness of seeing perfectly cute boys (er, men) on the street and having no real reason to talk to them... so we devised a plan which is too convoluted for me to explain here. I can tell you about it if we're friends in real life. Just ask next time there's an awkward silence or a desperate need for a subject change.

So while in Montreal I took photos of cute boys. It was prefaced with some sugary sweet line about me taking pictures of the prettiest things in the city (and yes, I'm 26 years-old). They were all very flattered and it was a fun little experiment (the online album's named "Mantreal"), except it turns out that while at Osheaga, one of the guys couldn't hear me well and must have thought I was taking his photo for a legit reason... and it turns out
Sarah knows him! And he's from Toronto and she tags him on Facebook and he is probably like, what?

But it doesn't really matter save for the fact that now I kind of like
the music and just wrote about the band for next week's LFP column. So maybe it was for a legitimate reason. Or maybe I'm just writing this post and wasting time while I wait for my laundry to dry, after watching The Dears' concert and before needing to wake up at an evil hour to drive home in time for family, shopping and turkey (in that order).

Happy weekend. xo. lori.


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I'll never forget that the Salt Lounge closed


I was frustrated today. I am the first to admit that I can be, at times, careless and clumsy... so I can tolerate it in others, but only up to a point. Today was too much and after six e-mails, many misunderstandings and yet another last-minute writeup, I was, well, angry. It'd been about three months since I'd been that angry (over a movie), and more than a year before that (which was ex-boyfriend related).

And that's when I remembered how important it is to have friends around to calm you down, and a Swiss Chalet within walking dinner. (Obviously, I intended to write distance but this slipped and it's funnier now and I don't want to change it.) Other ways to soothe your soul? Read a book and take a bath and drink a glass of wine. I'm beginning to rediscover all of my passions, it seems. : )

I picked up a new book today. It all started because I wanted to visit Pages because
this article told me it would be forced to relocate once its 10-year lease ended and its $150,000/mth rent doubled March 1. When I told my neighbour the story, he was like, $150,000? Really? We figured they would have to make $5,000 every day selling magazines and books just to cover the cost of rent. Ludicrous, right?

So we went to Pages and I picked out a book and started chatting with the manager. Apparently, the number is more like $150,000 a year (I hope the online article is updated, soon), and they didn't really have to move... they kind of want to because the Queen West strip is ever-changing and filling with more and more chain stores. So basically, the article is pretty messed up.

I still bought
this book but wondered if I'd still trust the newspaper. Anyways, I'm 20 pages into this, and one little line popped out and it kind of relates to how I feel sometimes and probably how a lot of other twentysomethings feel sometimes, or all the time, or maybe never (and then good for you!):

.... the onset of that lonely, latent kind of panic which accompanies the realization that you can no longer afford not to know where your life is heading...

Saturday, October 4, 2008

A little more conversation


What would you say about someone who buys fortune cookies and baci chocolates in bulk? And enjoys the quotes on Starbucks cups more than the coffee itself? And wishes that more food and beverages came with messages?

Would you say "[her] sparkling eyes shed a healing light on those [she] meets"? That's what my fortune cookie thinks tonight. And my eyes are pretty sparkly -- except maybe not after two post-work pints, two hours of cleaning and two hours of waiting for my out-of-town guest to ring my (door)bell.

I think that messages like the one above are perfect for times when you're sitting solo, at 12:36 a.m. on an early Saturday morning, thinking about life and waiting to start a day-long catchup with a good friend who used to live a lot closer to here.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Mood Music


So I did something truly un-Canadian a few minutes ago. I felt a bit guilty about it, but then I was distracted by what happened next.

I put on Boxer by The National, poured myself a (second) glass of wine and told my neighbour we would hang out later. So, sitting at my computer, alone in my apartment, I hear the following lyrics from the song "You've Done It Again, Virginia:"

You went in and put a record on
To make it sound like someone was home
And thanked yourself for pouring yourself a drink

Maybe these lyrics are easy to apply to many a single twentysomething's world. And maybe there's another blog post that mirrors this one, and it's been written from another big city of sometimes-happy, sometimes-lonely people.

But you can't talk to people, right?
You can't tell a story
You're tall, long-legged
And your heart's full of liquor

Wow, that's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Writing at length with many digressions


I'm annoyed with myself for blogging about boys so much. Or the lack of boys. Well, you know what? I was pretty happy when my last near-relationship didn't work out because it gave me a chance to continue to focus on all the things I wanted to do, but maybe wouldn't if I was suddenly distracted by a love affair (Wow, how lame does that sound? But really, I know I'm emotional and romantic and all that jazz and that's just what happens with me. Well, it was what happened with me. The goal is to change a bit for next time, or at least ensure I have a better sense of self, which I think I do now, but whatever, I've typed more than my parentheses expected).

Anyways, I was a bit frustrated because I have not been doing all of the things I said I wanted to do. And now the only person I have to blame is myself. So now not only am I not doing the things I wanted to do, but I'm also mad at, well, me. Hmm.

So my biggest problem is figuring out what I want to do (1), and where I want to live (2).

1. Work is going well in the way that they really want to keep me on (I signed a three-month contract), and are working on moulding the "lori" position. So basically I was given the chance to list all of the things I enjoyed doing, and all of the things I didn't, and they would craft the position to suit my interests. Awesome, right? Except for some reason, it wasn't. But I should stop typing about work because I actually haven't signed anything else yet...

2. Part of me still feels like a small-town girl in the big city, and I wonder if I'll ever shake this feeling. I just don't know if I'll ever be put-together enough to feel completely comfortable here. Or maybe I just need to spend time in different areas of the city. Either that, or spend more time shopping for clothes that make me feel like I fit in. Anyways, whenever I visit home, I feel like a big-city girl in a small town. So what's a small-town big-city girl to do? I have a few ideas but I don't know if they'll come to fruition...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Kleenex makes a killing


I'm sick and still trying to be productive. Do you think it'll work? At this moment, my laundry is spinning -- but so is my head.

It just doesn't seem right that I felt perfectly healthy yesterday at work, and within 37 minutes of returning to my apartment my ears, mouth, nose and throat were attacked by fall's first cold-wave. And all day at work I listened to my coworkers complain, all the while being thankful that I could still move and type and talk and write with relative ease.

There was a specific idea I wanted to blog about, but my love of complaining and the fuzzy-head-cold-thing have taken over. Maybe more meds and music and movies will trigger what I am sure was a very inspiring point. But when I do remember, I won't draw attention to it (because, really, everything I write about is awesome... at least in my eyes. And the eyes of all of my soulmates*).

* I've been waiting a long time so I think that, one day, I'll be faced with a choice of, like, 14 soulmates. I'll be developing a ranking system to see which one to take in first, and if you're still reading my blog, you can help.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Why aren't you married yet?


My best hometown girlfriends are married. One, two, three -- and scene. So now little miss Lori is the only one without a ring, and she's OK with that, save for the fact that people like to point it out. Oh, how heavenly. 

At Saturday's wedding my cousins tried to set me up with my wedding partner. He was actually tall, cute and we got along well. He laughed at all of my jokes, plus my idiosyncrasies (and not in a mean way). A fellow bridesmaid even said we were like an old married couple (but it was in a good way! We shared cake so we could try more than one flavour). 

Anyways, so what was the problem? I don't know. Maybe I was wrapped up in the romance of a wedding. Maybe I wasn't entirely sure. Maybe I spoiled things when he asked me to dance and I'd already told a co-bridesmaid I'd go to the bathroom with her. I think I may have offended him because our night kind of ended there.

While wedding speeches can be more of the same thing, I still love them when they're about my close friends and family (and this weekend, it was both!). And the line that stuck out was this.... "life isn't about luck. It's about making good choices."

So, starting today, it's good choices all the way.

xo 

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

So, what's new?


It's a tired question, but I've always had a pretty entertaining answer (at least I think so). I remember asking my aunt the question, and she would often say "nothing, just work, you know. same old. at this age, things are more or less the same." And I was like, LIAR! Honestly, I don't believe that nothing is happening. There has to be something worth telling me.

And then it happened. Maybe a month ago. A sometimes friend (as in, we only catch up every month or so, not that we don't always like each other -- we do), asked me what was new... and, honestly, since the last time we spoke, nothing was new. At least, nothing really worth talking about. She knew about the new job, there wasn't a new guy, and to update her on all the fun little stories in between our talks seemed tiresome (and I couldn't remember them all, anyways).

Ha. how boring is this? I will definitely try to shake things up... and then write about how my life's become just too crazy!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Incalculable sadness (and drama)

This is how I feel.

Do you think I can run away for a year or so?

The Internet says hair grows a mere 0.5 inches per month.

Shiza. Mani. Lola.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Coffee + computing + cafes


Don't fall asleep on your couch. Especially when you have a couch that fails to mould to your body. OK? If you don't take my advice, you'll wake up with a sore neck/back and you won't be able to fully look to the right. It's like I'm missing out on half the world today.

However, today was the first day that I was able to "work from home." How awesome is that? I had so many grand plans... that didn't come to fruition. Oops. But I am currently completing my assignments at the Dark Horse cafe on Queen East. Why do I like spending so much of my time with strangers?

Because sometimes they're cute and they lock eyes with me. It's happening. Right. Now.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I don't know how to act my age


Never, ever cheat -- especially when it comes to your hairdresser.

I took a spontaneous trip into a new stylist's chair today in hopes of easing the short-to-long transition (I finally committed to returning to the Lori-with-long-hair). And then he did something horrible. And then he made it worse. And then I almost cried in the chair! Like a little princess -- no joke. Sigh.

I can't see my real hairdresser until Tuesday, at which time I'll beg for his forgiveness and see if he can make something, anything work.

This also means Lori-with-long-hair will have to wait. Maybe it just wasn't her time yet. Or maybe karma's killing me this week.

I don't know, y'know?


It just started to rain. And now it's done. It lasted all of 20 seconds -- not quite long enough to wash away this indifference. Well, it's indifference and it's not. I'm getting to the place where I'm feeling the need to quote the Strokes. Is this it?

A job? Check. An apartment? Check. Friends and family? Check, check. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But whenever I stop to think about things too much, whenever it's not crazy busy (I miss being crazy busy), I have time to think about what's next. You probably do it too. It's the first time in my life where I don't really know what I'm working towards. I don't know what's next, but not in a thrilling way. Not in the way I imagined it'd be.

And it was only two months ago that everything was changing. And it all seemed so wonderful. And some of it is, and some of it faded away. And somehow I didn't get everything that I wanted.

But it's raining again. That must mean I'll feel better soon.

Please vote for me


Tips for politicos:

1. Experience helps.
2. Bribery will work.
3. If you eat your lunch too slowly, you will lose.

Recommended viewing

Tips for me:

1. Running helps.
2. Do your housework.
3. If you move things too quickly, you will lose.

Recommended reading

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lessons learned, maybe


I know what happens when a place is in a state of disarray and the mind is moving slowly due to lack of sleep. You can see it on my arm, in the form of an unsightly burn that's beginning to blister.

I put a frozen pack of blueberries on it to help my poor skin out, and then I started to bleed. It was just a little bit, so I wasn't terribly worried. But then it started to GUSH. And I became concerned... until I was able to put the pieces together and realized that the pack of blueberries was leaking. Oh, dear Lori, you're so very tired.

You'd think this slowness would have carried on into my work day, but I was actually told I was "on fire" (and they didn't even know about the burn!). Also, then there was more good news.

But I'm still tired, so good night. xo.

If you always wake up late...


you'll never be on time. Oh, BSS is so wonderfully wise.

You'd think this would be a lesson easy enough for a four year-old to master. And here I am, at the age of 26, trying to trick myself into believing that if I stay up until 1 a.m. I'll still be smart and bubbly in the morning. Logic will most definitely break my heart. This is an ode to indie bands, apparently.

I finally realized I'm losing a bit of control. Well, the state of my apartment has been saying so for the past couple of weeks. But you wanna know the clincher? My pretend bar contains a mere two bottles of wine. What is that? And I tried both tonight. One was too sweet; the other, too bitter. I need to start tracking my wines to avoid such great disappointment.

Note: This is the first night that I've blogged and not jogged. Can you tell the endorphins were missing?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It must have been something


It's on my mind. I don't know why.
I cry sometimes. But I don't miss you.

Watching films about relationships is emo-exhausting. Especially when you're not in one (or just missed one). That's when you're forced to remember a disappointment or three, and mourn the loss just one more time. Maybe that's why when I'm without a living, breathing date, I pair my romantic films with wine. And it only takes two glasses before I spill a few woes.

But wait a second. I'm spoiling this blog within three posts by sounding like a 16-year-old girl, ready to spin Tori Amos. I should write about endorphins again! And how they make you feel like singing in the springtime, winter, summer, fall.

Tonight's lesson: The quickest way to crush little endorphin spirits is to watch an Edward Burns' film. (But it won't crush your crush on him.)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Crying in public


In the most public of places, in fact. Where are there more people than the Times Square of Toronto? We had to sit on the probably dirty ground for a while, but then the four-year-old drinking the Starbucks Frappuccino got tired and made his mom leave the romantic reel. So we scored seats. Sometimes, everything works out.

Even though my legs were still sore I ran again today. And I thought a little bit more about what I'm doing and where I'm going, even though so many people say that running is just "wandering aimlessly." (I think that is redundant.) Well, that's kind of what I'm doing, except that in the back of my mind I have a pretty good idea that I probably need to make a few changes. But I don't need to rush. At least that's what I'm telling myself. And, really, who matters more in my life than I?

I am listening to New Buffalo, I've Got You and You've Got Me. It's quite pretty. I'm so very tempted to type out some lyrics, but I don't think I'll do it. Instead, I'll tell you about how I read a passage of Norwegian Wood to my friend while crossing the street today. He was worried about my safety; I was worried he wasn't paying close enough attention to Murakami's words:

"... he had a rare talent for finding the interesting parts of someone's generally uninteresting comments so that, when speaking to him, you felt that you were an exceptionally interesting person with an exceptionally interesting life."

Maybe I'll meet another person like this. Or maybe I'll just try to be that person.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Endorphins really do make you happy


The worst part about last night was waking up this morning. That's when I felt the not-so-pleasant effects of mixing wine, champagne, cupcakes and dancing.

So after a catch-up brunch with my belle amie and a solo stroll through the city, I decided to punish myself for last night's indulgence. I found some shorts, a T-shirt and my terribly old-school runners and spent 30 minutes doing the run/walk blend. You should know that this is a really big deal because running is really hard. For me. Maybe not for you and that's totally cool. In that case, I'm proud of you. Maybe you could be my coach.

But do you know what happened after my run? I felt better than when the alcohol and sugar were fresh in my system. Nice, eh? And then I decided to create a blog to remember that these little endorphin guys won't let me down. Oh, and my friends won't let me down either. The title of my blog is a text shout-out to one of my nearest and dearest. But I love them all equally. Cross my heart.

hello and xo.