Writing at length with many digressions

I'm annoyed with myself for blogging about boys so much. Or the lack of boys. Well, you know what? I was pretty happy when my last near-relationship didn't work out because it gave me a chance to continue to focus on all the things I wanted to do, but maybe wouldn't if I was suddenly distracted by a love affair (Wow, how lame does that sound? But really, I know I'm emotional and romantic and all that jazz and that's just what happens with me. Well, it was what happened with me. The goal is to change a bit for next time, or at least ensure I have a better sense of self, which I think I do now, but whatever, I've typed more than my parentheses expected).

Anyways, I was a bit frustrated because I have not been doing all of the things I said I wanted to do. And now the only person I have to blame is myself. So now not only am I not doing the things I wanted to do, but I'm also mad at, well, me. Hmm.

So my biggest problem is figuring out what I want to do (1), and where I want to live (2).

1. Work is going well in the way that they really want to keep me on (I signed a three-month contract), and are working on moulding the "lori" position. So basically I was given the chance to list all of the things I enjoyed doing, and all of the things I didn't, and they would craft the position to suit my interests. Awesome, right? Except for some reason, it wasn't. But I should stop typing about work because I actually haven't signed anything else yet...

2. Part of me still feels like a small-town girl in the big city, and I wonder if I'll ever shake this feeling. I just don't know if I'll ever be put-together enough to feel completely comfortable here. Or maybe I just need to spend time in different areas of the city. Either that, or spend more time shopping for clothes that make me feel like I fit in. Anyways, whenever I visit home, I feel like a big-city girl in a small town. So what's a small-town big-city girl to do? I have a few ideas but I don't know if they'll come to fruition...

Kleenex makes a killing

I'm sick and still trying to be productive. Do you think it'll work? At this moment, my laundry is spinning -- but so is my head.

It just doesn't seem right that I felt perfectly healthy yesterday at work, and within 37 minutes of returning to my apartment my ears, mouth, nose and throat were attacked by fall's first cold-wave. And all day at work I listened to my coworkers complain, all the while being thankful that I could still move and type and talk and write with relative ease.

There was a specific idea I wanted to blog about, but my love of complaining and the fuzzy-head-cold-thing have taken over. Maybe more meds and music and movies will trigger what I am sure was a very inspiring point. But when I do remember, I won't draw attention to it (because, really, everything I write about is awesome... at least in my eyes. And the eyes of all of my soulmates*).

* I've been waiting a long time so I think that, one day, I'll be faced with a choice of, like, 14 soulmates. I'll be developing a ranking system to see which one to take in first, and if you're still reading my blog, you can help.

Why aren't you married yet?

My best hometown girlfriends are married. One, two, three -- and scene. So now little miss Lori is the only one without a ring, and she's OK with that, save for the fact that people like to point it out. Oh, how heavenly. 

At Saturday's wedding my cousins tried to set me up with my wedding partner. He was actually tall, cute and we got along well. He laughed at all of my jokes, plus my idiosyncrasies (and not in a mean way). A fellow bridesmaid even said we were like an old married couple (but it was in a good way! We shared cake so we could try more than one flavour). 

Anyways, so what was the problem? I don't know. Maybe I was wrapped up in the romance of a wedding. Maybe I wasn't entirely sure. Maybe I spoiled things when he asked me to dance and I'd already told a co-bridesmaid I'd go to the bathroom with her. I think I may have offended him because our night kind of ended there.

While wedding speeches can be more of the same thing, I still love them when they're about my close friends and family (and this weekend, it was both!). And the line that stuck out was this.... "life isn't about luck. It's about making good choices."

So, starting today, it's good choices all the way.

xo 

So, what's new?

It's a tired question, but I've always had a pretty entertaining answer (at least I think so). I remember asking my aunt the question, and she would often say "nothing, just work, you know. same old. at this age, things are more or less the same." And I was like, LIAR! Honestly, I don't believe that nothing is happening. There has to be something worth telling me.

And then it happened. Maybe a month ago. A sometimes friend (as in, we only catch up every month or so, not that we don't always like each other -- we do), asked me what was new... and, honestly, since the last time we spoke, nothing was new. At least, nothing really worth talking about. She knew about the new job, there wasn't a new guy, and to update her on all the fun little stories in between our talks seemed tiresome (and I couldn't remember them all, anyways).

Ha. how boring is this? I will definitely try to shake things up... and then write about how my life's become just too crazy!

Incalculable sadness (and drama)

This is how I feel.

Do you think I can run away for a year or so?

The Internet says hair grows a mere 0.5 inches per month.

Shiza. Mani. Lola.

Coffee + computing + cafes

Don't fall asleep on your couch. Especially when you have a couch that fails to mould to your body. OK? If you don't take my advice, you'll wake up with a sore neck/back and you won't be able to fully look to the right. It's like I'm missing out on half the world today.

However, today was the first day that I was able to "work from home." How awesome is that? I had so many grand plans... that didn't come to fruition. Oops. But I am currently completing my assignments at the Dark Horse cafe on Queen East. Why do I like spending so much of my time with strangers?

Because sometimes they're cute and they lock eyes with me. It's happening. Right. Now.

I don't know how to act my age

Never, ever cheat -- especially when it comes to your hairdresser.

I took a spontaneous trip into a new stylist's chair today in hopes of easing the short-to-long transition (I finally committed to returning to the Lori-with-long-hair). And then he did something horrible. And then he made it worse. And then I almost cried in the chair! Like a little princess -- no joke. Sigh.

I can't see my real hairdresser until Tuesday, at which time I'll beg for his forgiveness and see if he can make something, anything work.

This also means Lori-with-long-hair will have to wait. Maybe it just wasn't her time yet. Or maybe karma's killing me this week.

I don't know, y'know?

It just started to rain. And now it's done. It lasted all of 20 seconds -- not quite long enough to wash away this indifference. Well, it's indifference and it's not. I'm getting to the place where I'm feeling the need to quote the Strokes. Is this it?

A job? Check. An apartment? Check. Friends and family? Check, check. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But whenever I stop to think about things too much, whenever it's not crazy busy (I miss being crazy busy), I have time to think about what's next. You probably do it too. It's the first time in my life where I don't really know what I'm working towards. I don't know what's next, but not in a thrilling way. Not in the way I imagined it'd be.

And it was only two months ago that everything was changing. And it all seemed so wonderful. And some of it is, and some of it faded away. And somehow I didn't get everything that I wanted.

But it's raining again. That must mean I'll feel better soon.

Please vote for me

Tips for politicos:

1. Experience helps.
2. Bribery will work.
3. If you eat your lunch too slowly, you will lose.

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Tips for me:

1. Running helps.
2. Do your housework.
3. If you move things too quickly, you will lose.

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