happy-not-lucky?

It's hard to know what to do because your natural rhythm may be disrupted by something that is totally out of your control. Fortunately, your positive attitude can help, but you'll need to be willing to settle on less comfort than you prefer normally. Keep in mind that whatever happens today is part of a larger shift that can take months to process.

So I know it's hard to care about someone else's horoscope (I'm a Cancer, in case you are too and can enjoy yours for the day), but I wanted to remember this one because it is bang bang bang on.... save for the fact that I don't know what happened today that's going to take months to process. Maybe I don't want to.

But I do know that I woke up disappointed today. And I was trying to regain my energy and I know it's up to me and only me to do this... so I went for a run. But instead of enjoying all the endorphins, I suffered burning ears from the cold. And then I went for a facial for full relaxation, and now my skin's reacting to the treatment. But THEN I had a really amazing dinner and, well, there was no bad reaction to that (except my tummy is sooo full of goodness).

Anyways, I'm sitting in this place where I'm not sure if I should keep trying trying trying and deal with the mood-altering consequences, or if it's easier to just sit back, relax and secretly hope it all works out.

I'm not sure what this one's about

My last trip to Montreal involved a camera and a crazy plan partly inspired by a random blog and partly by a random conversation with an ex-coworker/lasting friend. We discussed the sadness of seeing perfectly cute boys (er, men) on the street and having no real reason to talk to them... so we devised a plan which is too convoluted for me to explain here. I can tell you about it if we're friends in real life. Just ask next time there's an awkward silence or a desperate need for a subject change.

So while in Montreal I took photos of cute boys. It was prefaced with some sugary sweet line about me taking pictures of the prettiest things in the city (and yes, I'm 26 years-old). They were all very flattered and it was a fun little experiment (the online album's named "Mantreal"), except it turns out that while at Osheaga, one of the guys couldn't hear me well and must have thought I was taking his photo for a legit reason... and it turns out Sarah knows him! And he's from Toronto and she tags him on Facebook and he is probably like, what?

But it doesn't really matter save for the fact that now I kind of like the music and just wrote about the band for next week's LFP column. So maybe it was for a legitimate reason. Or maybe I'm just writing this post and wasting time while I wait for my laundry to dry, after watching The Dears' concert and before needing to wake up at an evil hour to drive home in time for family, shopping and turkey (in that order).

Happy weekend. xo. lori.

A little more conversation

What would you say about someone who buys fortune cookies and baci chocolates in bulk? And enjoys the quotes on Starbucks cups more than the coffee itself? And wishes that more food and beverages came with messages?

Would you say "[her] sparkling eyes shed a healing light on those [she] meets"? That's what my fortune cookie thinks tonight. And my eyes are pretty sparkly -- except maybe not after two post-work pints, two hours of cleaning and two hours of waiting for my out-of-town guest to ring my (door)bell.

I think that messages like the one above are perfect for times when you're sitting solo, at 12:36 a.m. on an early Saturday morning, thinking about life and waiting to start a day-long catchup with a good friend who used to live a lot closer to here.

Mood Music

So I did something truly un-Canadian a few minutes ago. I felt a bit guilty about it, but then I was distracted by what happened next.

I put on Boxer by The National, poured myself a (second) glass of wine and told my neighbour we would hang out later. So, sitting at my computer, alone in my apartment, I hear the following lyrics from the song "You've Done It Again, Virginia:"

You went in and put a record on
To make it sound like someone was home
And thanked yourself for pouring yourself a drink

Maybe these lyrics are easy to apply to many a single twentysomething's world. And maybe there's another blog post that mirrors this one, and it's been written from another big city of sometimes-happy, sometimes-lonely people.

But you can't talk to people, right?
You can't tell a story
You're tall, long-legged
And your heart's full of liquor

Wow, that's all I'm saying.

Writing at length with many digressions

I'm annoyed with myself for blogging about boys so much. Or the lack of boys. Well, you know what? I was pretty happy when my last near-relationship didn't work out because it gave me a chance to continue to focus on all the things I wanted to do, but maybe wouldn't if I was suddenly distracted by a love affair (Wow, how lame does that sound? But really, I know I'm emotional and romantic and all that jazz and that's just what happens with me. Well, it was what happened with me. The goal is to change a bit for next time, or at least ensure I have a better sense of self, which I think I do now, but whatever, I've typed more than my parentheses expected).

Anyways, I was a bit frustrated because I have not been doing all of the things I said I wanted to do. And now the only person I have to blame is myself. So now not only am I not doing the things I wanted to do, but I'm also mad at, well, me. Hmm.

So my biggest problem is figuring out what I want to do (1), and where I want to live (2).

1. Work is going well in the way that they really want to keep me on (I signed a three-month contract), and are working on moulding the "lori" position. So basically I was given the chance to list all of the things I enjoyed doing, and all of the things I didn't, and they would craft the position to suit my interests. Awesome, right? Except for some reason, it wasn't. But I should stop typing about work because I actually haven't signed anything else yet...

2. Part of me still feels like a small-town girl in the big city, and I wonder if I'll ever shake this feeling. I just don't know if I'll ever be put-together enough to feel completely comfortable here. Or maybe I just need to spend time in different areas of the city. Either that, or spend more time shopping for clothes that make me feel like I fit in. Anyways, whenever I visit home, I feel like a big-city girl in a small town. So what's a small-town big-city girl to do? I have a few ideas but I don't know if they'll come to fruition...